You're walking in the woods. There's no one around, and your phone is dead. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him... *Whisper* Shia Labeouf.

Our King

He's following you, about 30 feet back. He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint, he's gaining on you! Shia Labeouf!

The Shianing

You're looking for your car, but you're all turned around. He's almost upon you now, and you can see there's blood on his face. My God, there's blood EVERYWHERE!

A bloodied Shia chases you!

Running for your life from Shia LaBeouf. He's brandishing a knife, it's Shia LaBeouf! Lurking in the shadows, Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf! Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf!), killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf!), eating all the bodies... Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf!

Shia prepares for the hunt.

Now it's dark, and you think you've lost him, but you're hopelessly lost yourself. Straned with a murderer, you creep silently through the underbrush. Aha! In the distance, a small cottage with a light on, hope! You move stealthily toward it, but your leg! AH! It's caught in a bear trap!

This pleases Shia...

Gnawing off your leg! (Quiet, quiet) Limping to the cottage! (Quiet, quiet) Now you're on the doorstep! Sitting inside... Shia LaBeouf! Sharpening an axe (Shia LaBeouf!), but he doesn't hear you enter (Shia LaBeouf!), you're sneaking up behind him... STRANGLING SUPERSTAR SHIA LABEOUF! Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf! Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf! Stab it in his kidneys! Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf!

Fighting the Shia!

You limp into the dark woods, blood oozing from your stump leg. You've beaten... Shia LaBeouf.

Shia defeated...

WAIT! HE ISN'T DEAD! SHIA SURPRISE! THERE's A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND DEATH IN HIS EYES!

He's back!

But you can do Jiu-Jitsu! Body-slam superstar Shia LaBeouf! Legendary fight with Shia LaBeouf! Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf! You try to swing an axe at Shia LaBeouf, but blood is draining fast from your stump leg!

The legendary battle!

He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left, you counter to the right, you catch him in the neck! You're chopping off his head now! YOU HAVE JUST DECAPITATED SHIA LABEOUF! His head topples to the floor... Expressionless. You fall to your knees and catch your breath... You're finally save... From Shia LaBeouf...

Shia defeated... Again